'I was gang-raped on my wedding day' - The amazing story of pastor Terry Gobanga

When Terry Gobanga - then Terry Apudo - didn't show up to her wedding, nobody could have guessed that she had been abducted, raped and left for dead by the roadside. It was the first of two tragedies to hit the young Nairobi pastor in quick succession. But she is a survivor.


It was going to be a very big wedding. I was a pastor, so all our church members were coming, as well as all our relatives. My fiance, Harry, and I were very excited - we were getting married in All Saints Cathedral in Nairobi and I had rented a beautiful dress.

But the night before the wedding I realised that I had some of Harry's clothes, including his cravat. He couldn't show up without a tie, so a friend who had stayed the night offered to take it to him first thing in the morning. We got up at dawn and I walked her to the bus station.

As I was making my way back home, I walked past a guy sitting on the bonnet of a car - suddenly he grabbed me from behind and dumped me in the back seat. There were two more men inside, and they drove off. It all happened in a fraction of a second.

A piece of cloth was stuffed in my mouth. I was kicking and hitting out and trying to scream. When I managed to push the gag out, I screamed: "It's my wedding day!" That was when I got the first blow. One of the men told me to "co-operate or you will die".



The men took turns to rape me. I felt sure I was going to die, but I was still fighting for my life, so when one of the men took the gag out of my mouth I bit his manhood. He screamed in pain and one of them stabbed me in the stomach. Then they opened the door and threw me out of the moving car.

I was miles from home, outside Nairobi. More than six hours had passed since I had been abducted.
A child saw me being thrown out and called her grandmother. People came running. When the police came they tried to get a pulse, but no-one could. Thinking I was dead, they wrapped me in a blanket and started to take me to the mortuary. But on the way there, I choked on the blanket and coughed. The policeman said: "She's alive?" And he turned the car around and drove me to the biggest government hospital in Kenya.

I arrived in great shock, murmuring incoherently. I was half-naked and covered in blood, and my face was swollen from being punched. But something must have alerted the matron, because she guessed I was a bride. "Let's go around the churches to see if they're missing a bride," she told the nurses.


By coincidence, the first church they called at was All Saints Cathedral. "Are you missing a bride?" the nurse asked.

The minister said: "Yes, there was a wedding at 10 o'clock and she didn't come."
When I didn't show up to the church, my parents were panicking. People were sent out to search for me. Rumours flew. Some wondered: "Did she change her mind?" Others said: "No, it's so unlike her, what happened?"

After a few hours, they had to take down the decorations to make room for the next ceremony. Harry had been put in the vestry to wait.

When they heard where I was, my parents came to the hospital with the whole entourage. Harry was actually carrying my wedding gown. But the media had also got wind of the story so there were reporters too.

I was moved to another hospital where I'd have more privacy. That was where the doctors stitched me up and gave me some devastating news: "The stab wound went deep into your womb, so you won't be able to carry any children."


I was given the morning-after pill, as well as antiretroviral drugs to protect me from HIV and Aids. My mind shut down, it refused to accept what had happened.

Harry kept saying he still wanted to marry me. "I want to take care of her and make sure she comes back to good health in my arms, in our house," he said. Truth be told, I wasn't in a position to say Yes or No because my mind was so jammed with the faces of the three men, and with everything that had happened.

A few days later, when I was less sedated, I was able to look him in the eye. I kept saying sorry. I felt like I had let him down. Some people said it was my own fault for leaving the house in the morning. It was really hurtful, but my family and Harry supported me.

The police never caught the rapists. I went to line-up after line-up but I didn't recognise any of the men, and it hurt me each time I went. It set back my recovery - it was 10 steps forward, 20 back. In the end I went back to the police station and said: "You know what, I'm done. I just want to leave it."
Three months after the attack I was told I was HIV-negative and got really excited, but they told me I had to wait three more months to be sure. Still, Harry and I began to plan our second wedding.

Although I had been very angry at the press intrusion, somebody read my story and asked to meet me. Her name was Vip Ogolla, and she was also a rape survivor. We spoke, and she told me she and her friends wanted to give me a free wedding. "Go wild, have whatever you want," she said.

I was ecstatic. I went for a different type of cake, much more expensive. Instead of a rented gown, now I could have one that was totally mine.

In July 2005, seven months after our first planned wedding, Harry and I got married and went on a honeymoon.


Twenty-nine days later, we were at home on a very cold night. Harry lit a charcoal burner and took it to the bedroom. After dinner, he removed it because the room was really warm. I got under the covers as he locked up the house. When he came to bed he said he was feeling dizzy, but we thought nothing of it.

It was so cold we couldn't sleep, so I suggested getting another duvet. But Harry said he couldn't get it as he didn't have enough strength. Strangely, I couldn't stand up either. We realised something was very wrong. He passed out. I passed out. I remember coming to. I would call him. At times he would respond, at other times he wouldn't. I pushed myself out of bed and threw up, which gave me some strength. I started crawling to the phone. I called my neighbour and said: "Something is wrong, Harry is not responding."

She came over immediately but it took me ages to crawl to the front door to let her in as I kept passing out. I saw an avalanche of people coming in, screaming. And I passed out again.
I woke up in hospital and asked where my husband was. They said they were working on him in the next room. I said: "I'm a pastor, I've seen quite a lot in my life, I need you to be very straight with me." The doctor looked at me and said: "I'm sorry, your husband did not make it."
I couldn't believe it.


Going back to church for the funeral was terrible. Just a month earlier I had been there in my white dress, with Harry standing at the front looking handsome in his suit. Now, I was in black and he was being wheeled in, in a casket.

People thought I was cursed and held back their children from me. "There's a bad omen hanging over her," they said. At one point, I actually believed it myself.

Others accused me of killing my husband. That really got me down - I was grieving.
The post-mortem showed what really happened: as the carbon monoxide filled his system, he started choking and suffocated.

I had a terrible breakdown. I felt let down by God, I felt let down by everybody. I couldn't believe that people could be laughing, going out and just going about life. I crashed.

One day I was sitting on the balcony looking at the birds chirping away and I said: "God, how can you take care of the birds and not me?" In that instant I remembered there are 24 hours a day - sitting in depression with your curtains closed, no-one's going to give you back those 24 hours. Before you know, it's a week, a month, a year wasted away. That was a tough reality.

I told everybody I would never ever get married again. God took my husband, and the thought of ever going through such a loss again was too much. It's something I wouldn't wish on anybody. The pain is so intense, you feel it in your nails.

But there was one man - Tonny Gobanga - who kept visiting. He would encourage me to talk about my husband and think about the good times. One time he didn't call for three days and I was so angry. That's when it hit me that I had fallen for him.


Tonny proposed marriage but I told him to buy a magazine, read my story and tell me if he still loved me. He came back and said he still wanted to marry me.

But I said: "Listen, there's another thing - I can't have children, so I cannot get married to you."
"Children are a gift from God," he said. "If we get them, Amen. If not, I will have more time to love you."

I thought: "Wow, what a line!" So I said Yes.

Tonny went home to tell his parents, who were very excited, until they heard my story. "You can't marry her - she is cursed," they said. My father-in-law refused to attend the wedding, but we went ahead anyway. We had 800 guests - many came out of curiosity.

It was three years after my first wedding, and I was very scared. When we were exchanging vows, I thought: "Here I am again Father, please don't let him die." As the congregation prayed for us I cried uncontrollably.

A year into our marriage, I felt unwell and went to the doctor - and to my great surprise he told me that I was pregnant.
As the months progressed I was put on total bed rest, because of the stab wound to my womb. But all went well, and we had a baby girl who we called Tehille. Four years later, we had another baby girl named Towdah.


Today, I am the best of friends with my father-in-law.

I wrote a book, Crawling out of Darkness, about my ordeal, to give people hope of rising again. I also started an organisation called Kara Olmurani. We work with rape survivors, as I call them - not rape victims. We offer counselling and support. We are looking to start a halfway house for them where they can come and find their footing before going back to face the world.

I have forgiven my attackers. It wasn't easy but I realised I was getting a raw deal by being upset with people who probably don't care. My faith also encourages me to forgive and not repay evil with evil but with good.

The most important thing is to mourn. Go through every step of it. Get upset until you are willing to do something about your situation. You have to keep moving, crawl if you have to. But move towards your destiny because it's waiting, and you have to go and get it.

Source: bbc.com

How to set up a business with Purpose

To be successful in business in this 21st century is no longer just about making money or moving up the corporate ladder. More and more, its becoming clearer that one of the biggest indicators of success is purpose. 

Somebody defined purpose as your talent helping people accomplish their targets. Apart from the day you are born, the next important date in your life should be the day you discovers why you were born.

We can say purpose is a man's sense of resolve. But, how can you create a project with purpose? That is why we are looking at these 5 simple ways.

 1. Find your purpose: 
What are you passionate about that could also benefit others? You are expected to know  know your field very well and be passionate about it. Also recognise that something must be done to make it sustainable for future generations. The desire to do something on purpose must start from within.

2. Lead a balanced life: 
If you don’t have purpose in your life, you won’t have purpose in your business. You may be working hard, but much more also, you must focus on yourself with meditation and good record keeping. Keep a good tab on yourself. You either strike a balance or you strike out.
 
3.Step up to the challenge:
Don’t just leave your passion to be realised and acted upon by someone else – step up to the challenge.  You can’t change the world by yourself ! It’s going to be how many people you can convince to do business with you but it does take somebody to start.

4. Give back:
 Self-fulfillment is one thing, but there’s much greater satisfaction to be gained from doing something that benefits your community. Don't just establish the structure to sustain your business but much more,  challenge the way people think about their future, and collectively, our future. Do not strive to build and empire all by yourself, build people, invest in them and you will be amazed those people will come round to form the empire of your dream.

5. Believe in others: 
If you engage with others and allow them to participate, you will see humankind’s potential for greatness. It will amaze you that when you talk to people about your project, most response you get will be "how can I help?" You will find more fulfillment when your success is not built around only you.

3 Basic Questions You must Ask Yourself Every Morning As An Entrepreneur

The morning is a powerful time to frame your mindset for the day ahead.

One of the best lifestyle practices you can get into as an entrepreneur is to start the day with some bold and optimistic questions to set the tone for how you’re going to approach what comes next. This helps you to be prepared for opportunities throughout the day by keeping your eyes open to possibility when there are inevitable challenges.

Here are three questions you should ask yourself every morning as soon as you wake up to help you be a rock star entrepreneur.

1. Who can I help today? There’s a famous Plato quote -- “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” It’s easy to wake up and have your very first thoughts be, “I didn’t get enough sleep” or “I’m so busy … how will I get it all done?”
While those thoughts are perfectly normal, they’re not necessarily inspiring. Everyone has something to offer others. When you start your day asking how you can be of service, it is tantamount to you saying, “I’ve got something to offer. I’ve got something to give.”
That’s a more empowering place to come from in life: offering value. Spend a few minutes brainstorming ideas of ways you can help people and watch throughout the day as new opportunities to help will undoubtedly spring up.

2. What can I do better today? This can be as broad or specific as you want, but the point is to conceptualize what positive actions you can take today to be just a little bit better than the day before.

Did you slack off and skip the gym when you know you really needed to go? How can you take a positive step to ensure that the gym happens today? Lose your temper with someone on the staff and you wish you would’ve handled better? Brainstorm how you can approach that person today with a better understanding, and if necessary, an apology for your bad behavior.

It’s not about being perfect or fake -- it’s about trying to make each day’s efforts a little better than yesterday’s errors. Just like success doesn’t happen overnight for your business, you don’t become an excellent leader or entrepreneur quickly. You lean into each day with more wisdom and a greater commitment to improve and excel at your own life.

3. How can I create value today? While this may sound similar to asking “who can I help,” this question is about creating value through your work. It’s important to think up the ways your daily work is providing value for everyone. What you do should make a lot of people better off.

It can be through the quality service or superior product you offer or even great content you share, the form isn’t important -- the value is what's important. The value that you're motivated to create will make instinctual tie to your mission for best results.

Culled from entrepreneur.com

Practical Ways To Break Your Cell Phone Addictions

I was driving towards a mall recently and I couldn’t help but notice a young lady along the road talking loudly on her phone. She was using her speakerphone so I could hear both sides of her conversation even while driving.

Phone rudeness can be found nearly everywhere we go and it seems to be getting worse. A report on internet trend, as far back 2013 made it known that we unlock our phones anywhere between 110 and 150 times every day. At the same time, we run the risk of alienating ourselves and offending others.
In a study of 1,600 managers and professionals, Leslie Perlow, the Konosuke Matsushita professor of leadership at the Harvard Business School, found that:

• 70 percent said they check their Phone within an hour of getting up.
• 56 percent check their phone within an hour of going to sleep.
• 48 percent check over the weekend, including on Friday and Saturday nights.
• 51 percent check continuously during vacation.
• 44 percent said they would experience "a great deal of anxiety" if they lost their phone and couldn't replace it for a week.

Let’s check out these  eight easy tips to make your phone one of your greatest assets — not a source of endless interruptions.

1.Be in the now.
Don’t try to multi-task and check email while you’re in a meeting or having a conversation with someone. Anytime you’re expected to participate or simply listen to someone else, silence your phone. Incessant phone checking breaks your concentration and makes it difficult to get back on track. There’s no need to look at your phone every time someone sends you a tweet or comments on a Facebook post. Almost every app on your phone can be tweaked so that push notifications are disabled. The best way to avoid distractions is to turn your phone off, put it on airplane mode, or put it away completely.

2.Keep confidential information private.
Be aware of your surroundings. If you need to speak to someone about a private matter, find an empty room or a quiet corner to have your conversation. You never know who might overhear part, or all, of your conversation.

3.Stay calm. When you’re in a public place and receive a phone call you know will be difficult or emotional, let it go to voicemail. If you give yourself some time to collect your thoughts you’re more apt to have a calm, rational conversation. Try to keep your cool while you speak to someone on your cell phone in front of others. Emotional outbursts will only embarrass you and intrude on others.

4.Set your phone to vibrate. 
Take advantage of your phone’s silent and vibration settings. Turn your phone’s ringer off and keep it out of sight when you attend an important business meeting, a religious service, visit your kids’ school, go out to eat, or enjoy a sporting event. If you put your phone on the table, it sends the signal that the potential caller is more important than those you are with.

5.Avoid “cell yell.” 
Always use your regular conversational voice when speaking to someone on your cell phone. Be mindful of your volume in airports and other busy places where people tend to speak more loudly than usual. The last person you want to attract is an eavesdropper.

6.Step away to take a call. 
If you’re at lunch or in a meeting, always let your dining companions know ahead of time if you have to take or make an important call. Excuse yourself and take the call away from the table. Do your best to prioritize the people you’re with over unexpected calls, emails and texts.

7.Be a responsible driver.If you’re in heavy traffic or hazardous driving conditions, don’t answer your phone. Wait until you come to a stop before you take the opportunity to make a call. Always use a hands-free device so you can focus on driving. Never text and drive. A quick text message is not worth risking your safety or the safety of those around you.

8.Get unplugged occasionally. 
If you have an important project you need to complete or you just want to spend quality time with friends and family, leave your phone in another room and try not to check it more than two or three times a day. Give yourself a phone break once in a while. Ultimately, you want to be in control of your phone and not the other way around.

Break loose from the norm; Do the UNUSSUAL

When you look closely at the image above, you will notice a herd of sheep leaving the stall. There is no fence mounted to block them, only the gate, created with rope. That is what I call trap of thinking. That is the way many people reason, especially when it comes to their dreams and aspirations. 

If you look well, you will notice there are no boundaries and no limits to how far they can go to speed up their journey towards their desired destinations in life but because those at the edges could not think out of box or lets say they are trapped in their thoughts that the only way to their destinations is to pass that small gate. As far as pursuing your dreams and hitting your target is concerned, you should not be monopolised by anybody

Overtaking is ALLOWED!

Dear reader, I encourage you to break the ranks today! You don't have to follow the crow to achieve your desired goals! I challenge you to dare to be different and create a new destiny for yourself, your family and your society. 

The economy is tight, yet people are still buying cars. People are opening new businesses. People are expanding new frontiers. Great and awesome things are yet happening in righteousness!

Stop complaining! The government is not the answer for the hour. God, but through you is the driver of your destiny. I have never seen anytime in the history of the human race when there are no hard times. Yet people made waves and affected their generation.

If you see anybody complaining, you see a frustrated lazy man or woman looking for cheap answers and solutions. Either mentally or physically

Nothing in life will ever come easy. I belief what we need in this period of recession is the drive to push until victory comes. FOCUS- Follow your target Until Successful is reached.

Many successful people had tried one thing or the other before they became successful.

Keep trying. If you fail, try again. If you fail again, try again. And as you keep trying in the right direction and at the right things, success will surely come.

I Have Never Seen A *RICH Person* Who Has Never *lost Money* But I Have Seen A Lot Of *POOR People* Who Have Never *Lost A Dime* -Robert Kiyosaki-

The *Primary Difference* Between The *RICH* & The *POOR* Is How They *Handle FEAR* in Investment -Robert Kiyosaki-

Have a Positive mindset about investment. You can *NEVER* be Rich if you are too *SCARED*of losing Money

*SALARY* alone can not solve your money problems. You need Secondary Source of income to balance

*SALARY* is the *MEDICINE* for managing *POVERTY*, it doesn't *CURE* it. Only your *BUSINESS* or *INVESTMENT* Cure Poverty

Be FINANCIALLY INTELLIGENT

For free and simple alternative sources of income, especially passive systems, inbox me here or WhatsApp on 08039515726.
I will coach you free!